“you’re the strongest girl i know” people tell me this constantly. normally, someone would take it as a compliment. but i’m not. i’m far from it. people only think i’m strong because i know how to hold my composure in front of people. i know how to hide my feelings. i know how to always be smiling, i know how to fake a laugh. it’s become so easy to me to be able to get out of bed with a smile on my face and face the day as a new challenge, when inside i’m breaking. i feel dead. february 12th i lost my grandfather. he was my everything. the beginning of this week, i lost my uncle jack. he always knew how to make me laugh. and tonight, i lost my uncle johnny. he was the sweetest man anyone could ever know. i’ve been through hell and back in my short 16 years of existence. i’d be lying if i told people i’m okay. no i’m not okay. will i be okay? maybe someday. but for the past three years, i’ve been nothing close to okay. i’d give anything to feel okay, but for some strange reason the universe wants my life to suck.
prom is in eight days. and i look like a whale. i’m peeling. my spray tan thing is getting blochy. and my face looks like i was caught in a fire. thankyou sun for making me look like an asshole.
